Q & A ...

I was wanting to do a proper update because I know so many of you are wanting to know what all happened, and what is happening. But I've received so many emails that I am guilty of reading and saving - instead of replying to - so I am going to answer most of them here and hopefully it will answer the questions many of you have as well. Laziness? Perhaps. But I need to clear out my inbox and there are MANY of the same questions that have been asked by many different people, so instead of sending multiple emails to multiple people all with the same answer I will just do it here. For those who asked more of a personal question those are last. If any of you were expecting a personal email, please don't take offense to my answering your question(s) here instead.

(this question and the next 2 questions I am asked constantly)
1. Will you ever have anymore biological children?
... Probably not. I had an extremely hard birth with Jordan. My pregnancy was a piece of cake, but the whole birthing experience scarred me for life - both internally and mentally. So much so that after I had him I went on the pill and took EXTRA EXTRA birth control precautions to prevent ever getting pregnant again. While all my female parts are capable - well, as far as I know ... chemo may have/will cause me to be sterile - of producing, carrying, and giving birth to another baby I do not intend to get pregnant again. The whole EXTRA EXTRA birth control precautions are STILL in practice.

2. Will you ever think about adoption again?
... I think about ADOPTION all the time. Will I ever adopt, or journey down the adoption path again? No. Well, let me rephrase that. As a single mother, I will not adopt. While there have been people who have survived esophageal cancer longer than 5 years there aren't many. And while there are countries that will allow you to adopt after having cancer, I just don't think it's a very wise idea for a single person. I am not even sure I would say yes if I were married. If I knew that I was 100% cured and I'd never relapse, I may - but folks I do not believe there are any more children in my future. And I am ok with that.

3. Does it bother you that so many of your readers are adopting/have adopted when your dreams of adopting are gone?
... No.

4. I know your "Journey 2 Eme" is over with but I was wondering how you came up with the name Eme. Does it have any significance or meaning? It's a pretty name.
... Thank you, I think the name Eme is pretty, too. Had I adopted a girl her name would have been Emercyn Lynn ... Eme for short. Lynn would have been after my mom, whose middle name is Lynn. To tell you the truth, the name Emercyn came to me while watching TV several years ago. Emerson - the brand name.

5. Just curious who was with you when you found out you had cancer?
... My mom and my Gram.

6. Did you get cancer from smoking? I know this may be a personal question and you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
... No, I have never smoked. My cancer was caused from years and years of having issues with acid reflux.

7. How does the humidity in California vary from the humidity in Utah?... There is a HUGE!! variance. The closer to the ocean you are the higher the amount of water there is in the air. I was in Long Beach - which is VERY near the water. The air in California is full of moisture, while the air in Utah is DRY (or has very little moisture in it)!! So, when I am in California I am breathing moist air ... when I am in Utah I am breathing dry air. When the humidity rises whatever is in the air rises as well.

8. Why did the humidity affect you so much when you were in California?
... On the days when I was in California their humidity levels were HIGH - 60% during the days and as high as 80% during the evenings. Which means I was breathing 60-80% more moisture than I was when I was here. When you breathe air in and out the muscles in your throat expand. The more heavy the air (higher humidity) the more your muscles expand. So, because the air was so much more heavy than I was used to breathing my throat muscles were expanding to a degree that was blocking enough air from getting into my body. Because of the extensive radiation I had back in December/January the lining of my throat/muscles were already damaged and already inflamed which is why it hit me quick and hard. I actually started feeling the affects the evening that I arrived in Long Beach - which was Sunday. Had I listened to my doctor and went to the ER that night then I wouldn't have went into cardiac arrest Monday night.

(this has got to be the most bizarre question I've been asked. But I was asked it twice, and one was by a regular reader)
9. What was it like to "die" and then come back to life?
... I actually don't remember much from the time I told someone to call 911 to the time I woke and saw my daddy standing over me in the hospital several hours after I was admitted. The only thing I really remember is hearing the words "she's not stable" and "she's going" repeated over and over and over again. But I didn't have any out of body experiences which is what I am thinking this question is referring to. Sorry - no glimpses of heaven or angels from me.

10. Are you able to eat more than just cheerios now?
... Before I ate those few cheerios I was able to eat things like applesauce, ice cream, popsicles, this stuff called "thick it" (which is really NASTY), instant mashed potatoes - things that basically slide down your throat and require less swallowing to get them down. Now it seems like I am two steps behind where I was. While I can still eat applesauce I am now unable to eat anything very cold. But I have added plain/vanilla yogurt to the list of foods I eat. And last night I did eat 1/8 of a rice cake - but I did have to chew that sucker to pieces before I could swallow it. I haven't had any more cheerios since before I went to Cali.

11. If you don't eat how do you survive?
... I am getting most of my nutrition thru my PEG tube, which is a tube that has been inserted directly into my tummy. My "feeding" schedule is terrible. Because I can only take so much at one time without it all being thrown up I "feed" myself every 2 1/2 hours starting at 6am, and my last "feeding" is at 11:30pm. The schedule is grueling.

12. You mentioned that you had chapped lips while having your last treatment. Did you ever have any mouth sores?
... Oh my gosh!! I had mouth sores like you would not believe. They were caused from the radiation I had. But they didn't bleed like my chapped lips did. My lips are still recovering.

13. What is the first thing you're going to eat once you can?
... Japanese Pan Noodles w/ tofu, from Noodles & Company

14. Does it hurt when you talk?
... Yes and no. It really depends on the day. If I use my voice too much one day then the next day my throat will more than likely hurt and I will refrain from speaking too much. I also have medicine that relaxes/numbs my throat and allows me to talk more on days when I have to, but it relaxes my tongue too much so I don't use it unless I absolutely have to. My voice sounds hoarse a great deal of time, and when people hear that they think I am hurting. Which I am not. It does hurt when I cough though. And sometimes when I laugh.

15. How have you been feeling since you got home from the hospital?
... Good actually. I've had some really good days since coming home. I am more tired, but that stems from 2 things ... my grueling feeding schedule and the fact that I am anemic.

16. Are you going to do chemotherapy and radiation again?
... I start another chemo drug Friday, and will be infused each week (just about) for the next 3 months. I am not doing anymore radiation.

17. Do you still have your job?
... Yes, I do still have my job. I think they are too afraid to fire me now. Anyone who went thru what I did should be guaranteed their job forever. (for those who don't know ... the reason I didn't seek medical help sooner when I was in Cali was because I was afraid I'd be fired if I didn't attend the business meeting I was there for) Depending on how much chemo whips my rear I am hoping to go back 3 days a week the end of June.

18. Do you ski? If so how young is too young to ski? We're planning a ski trip this winter and any info. would be great.
... I do ski. I was put on my first pair of ski's the winter after I turned 3. The whole balance thing comes into play if your child is younger than that. I'd say snow skiing shouldn't be any younger than 3 though. I don't believe any ski school will accept younger than 3 anyway, but maybe you should get a hold of a ski school at the resort you're planning to visit for more information.

19. Have you lived in Utah your whole life?
... With the exception of living with my daddy for a year when I was 14, I have been in Utah my whole life.

20. Do you know David Archuleta (from the most recent American Idol)?
... No, but my niece and nephew go to the same school he went to.

21. Which song lyrics best describe your life?
(why do people always want to know this? No offense to the person who asked)
... I guess I'd have to say ... "A single mom who works two jobs. Who loves her kid and never stops. With gentle hands and a heart of a fighter. I'm a survivor."

22. What is your biggest pet peeve?
... Pet "peeve" or pet "PEEVES?" Anyone who really knows me knows that I have several. There are TWO that really get me though ... when people don't wipe out the sink after they brush their teeth. Clumps of toothpaste or left over remnants of toothpaste are so nasty. The other is when someone does this to MY peanut butter and jelly. If you do it with your own, so be it. But please DO NOT stick the knife you've just used for peanut butter in my jar of jelly and vice versa. There is not much worse than having peanut butter in your jelly jar or jelly in your peanut butter.

23. Do you wear glass?
... I wear glasses AND contacts - not at the same time of course.

24. Are you French? Chantele is French is it not? Do you have a nikname?
... No, I am not French. I have a difficult name, so I am used to it being butchered. Most people want to pronounce my name by putting a "w" in it when they say it. Nope!! Think of Shannon not Shawn. And many people want to add the "e" sound at the end, which is silent in my name. I do have many nick names, but the ones used the most are Chan or Chana.

25. What CD's are in your CD player?
(this one is for my niece who is ALWAYS asking me this question)
... Kati Mac, Melissa E, Carrie Underwood, Eric Clapton, and a really cool Jazz CD.

26. In one of your recent posts you mentioned something about chanting. Do you chant? Are you a practicing Buddhist?
... Yes, I do. Yes, I am.

27. How is your son?
... Jordan is doing good, thanks so much for asking.

28. Since Jordan graduated recently can we see your senior picture and his next to each other?
... Either you're nuts for asking or I'm nuts for posting!! Since this request is from a regular reader I'll post this picture of me. But don't expect anymore like it.

Ok, folks, that's all. I probably will not be updating before chemo starts on Friday, and depending on how I feel I may or may not be back for a little while. But I will update when I can. Thanks so much for all your support.

I do have a favor to ask. I've removed Jodie's email addy, but if anyone happened to save it please do not email her with any more questions. I'd really appreciate it.

Have a fun June.